Just Peanutbutter N Jelly

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Category: Lunch Box

Tough Love is Tough

Mother: A task we the human species take on willing and sometime not so.

Some species eat their young at birth or pop them out and leave them to fend for themselves. They call us the intelligent species. Motherhood a job we will do until we are buried in the grave.

Babies don’t come with a manual. At best, if you’re lucky you get a plastic diaper baby bag with a few diapers, formula and some coupons. They thrust that child in your arms and hurl your ass out the hospital. Eventually you figure out what each cry means and learn to satisfy their needs. You start to think, after this baby learns to sleep all night, walk, talk and go off to school it will be easier.

So Eve wanted to bite that apple. The punishment is extended way past labor. Hell that was the easy part. A mother will suffer the pains of childbirth to until her dying day. Unless you are blessed to develop Alzheimer’s.

Back to that sweet baby who develops his/her own personality. They start to pull away from and you push them. They become strangers you don’t recognize. But continue to love them even as they fight you. Sometimes that love makes you blind. You end up smothering them, making mistake after mistake. Allowing them to wrap you around their fingers.

If the success of your children determines your success as a mother, I failed. Yes I wallowing in self-pity today. My oldest had to take the long route to get to where I tried to get him to go twenty-five years ago. My second oldest works hard, has a job she loves but has no respect for me or my opinions. It seems she only wants me around to be a grandmother to her children. I need to really shut up and mind my business.

My youngest continues remind me that I’m a failure as a mother. When she was asked what she wanted to be when she grows up. Her response was, “a psycho manic”. Which is what she became. Metaphorically not literally I pray. She is struggling through life and trying to use her son to pay for her ticket to easy street.

I tried to help by taking her son in and giving him the attention, the stability and love he needs.
His mother sees me as the enemy for trying to get the therapy her son so desperately needs.

My g-son will tell you in a minute that he doesn’t know how to control his anger. He told me, just as his mother use to tell me, he wants to be a psycho. Is that a normal aspiration for a child? I don’t think he needs medication, I think he needs to get control of his feelings. I think he needs to have his self-esteem built up.

I took my daughter to court. I’ve endured her threats of taking him far away. She even told her son to disrespect me and not to listen. She told her son he was going to go to foster care and that it is my fault.

My daughter has wished me dead. Why because I want to help raise her son. If I have custody of her son, she can’t use him to get housing and financial assistance. If that is not a failure as a mother I don’t know what is.

On Saturday my grandson’s father picked him and his clothes up and took g-son to his house. Later that day G-son’s dad texts that my daughter told him that she and I worked this out.

Yesterday we went to court and my daughter is trying to manipulated the Agency for Children Services (ACS). She told me that her son said I was touching him inappropriately. She’s telling the court that I wouldn’t let her see her son or let him call her.

When the reality is she hardly ever called him back when she promised to. She told her son she rather him go in foster care then to be with me. She told him he is going into foster care.

I don’t want to hurt my grandson anymore then he is. I don’t want him to go the next few years without therapy I don’t want him to be the next troubled child to end his life in a blaze of tragedy leading the way.
I’m losing the fight. I’m afraid and feel lost today.

As I was typing this the ACS investigator called. She said that she will continue to monitor my grandson. She says she’s aware that my daughter is manipulative. However her job is to investigate not to make recommendations. There is more to the case that I’m not going to share.

I’m happy that my g-son is getting to spend time with his dad. It would be idea. I would love for him to have both his parents in his life raising him with love and putting his interest first.

But as it stands, g-son’s dad won’t fart unless g-son’s mom says it okay. Dad is still whipped. Mom is happy as long as she has someone to watch her son and she gets to collect the benefits. She is stressed because I’m interrupting her program.

We exercise tough love when our family is strung out on drugs. But what about family that continues to take advantage of family and causes pain, suffering and damage to their children. My prayer is that my youngest child is scared straight to become educated and secure employment. She is almost thirty years old. It’s not about her it’s about g-son who needs to feel safe and secure. I hope that I can be that safe island in the rough ocean for him. I love him so very much. I also love his mother very much.

Everything’s Going to be Okay

Hello to all who follow me here.

Today I walked to G-son’s school, he took the bus. When I got to the school a kid said, ” Yo! you’re grandma is coming.” So of course I make a turn and see G-son with his coat off, and his $20 Fitti. I tell him to get his stuff on. He was about to fight his “friend” T. There were a bout 5 boys and they were giving my grandson the evil eyes as they passed us. I will be calling T’s mom. I met with several of his teachers and it turns out that T is the class bully. He started school new just like my g-son. Now he’s running things. T has been suspended, in school but out of his regular class. The teachers were talking they didn’t mention him by name but it was obvious. They said the class has been peaceful since he’s been gone. I know it was T they were talking about. During the parent teacher meeting two of the teachers made eye contact when I mentioned G-son and T being close.

T is over mature for his age and knows how to play the I’m a good kid role in front of adults. I knew something wasn’t right. But couldn’t put my finger on it.

Any way the teacher I spoke with today is going to look out for g-son, she even gave me her cellphone number. She wants him to get in the after school program and she will teach him the piano. The principal is in charge of this and said it is contingent if G-son does well with his class work.

I ‘m going back to the school to meet G-son and walk him home. We have an appointment this afternoon for this pending custody mess. I feel kind of good about it today. But we won’t know what’s going to happen until Monday.

G-son is nervous and afraid.  After his bath he was laying in bed and I sat at the foot and we talked about when he was a baby and all the things he didn’t remember.  Trying to put his mind at ease. My note this morning is personal and encouraging. Reassuring that he will be okay. So we’ll go to our meeting and out for dinner. I bet you can’t guess? Yea Micky D’s.

The next real post probably won’t be posted until Friday.  G-son and I have about Christmas cards to make for the teacher and staff in school. I will try to keep up as much as I can.

Still need prayers. Thanks to those who have been praying, supporting and following Just Peanut Butter n Jelly.

Mistakes

mistakes

Smiling!!!

smilingG-son has gotten into the habit of calling me Gramps or sir lately. He does this when I discipline him. Sometimes he corrects himself when he says Gramps and calls me Grams. When he wants something I’m Gramma again.

The cloud still lingers over our heads but I am trying to keep him in a cheerful mood. We went to the library Saturday. He got his new library card and had to use it of course. He played  an hour on the computer.  After we had McDonald’s he had a six piece chicken McNugget Happy meal with a vanilla shake. I had a Big Mac meal with a Carmel mocha coffee. INFLATION!!!! $14 and change. However he was happy and that’s what matters.

He already lost 2 hats, 2 pairs of gloves and a coat and winter didn’t even start yet. His auntie brought him a new coat. After Micky D’s we went hat and glove shopping. He wanted a Fitti! Spelling? (A baseball cap with a team logo) He must have tried on every hat in the store. He ended up getting a grey Brooklyn Net’s cap and some electric blue gloves which both matches his coat. When it gets cold I have some skull caps he can wear and lose.

Sunday was spent with his cousins at his aunties house. This morning he was sick. Oh Boy here we go again! I won’t tell you what change his mind because if he reads this he will say I embarrassed him. But he is in school on this beautiful rainy morning. So the week begins.

Bullies

bullies

 

Franks and Beans Changes Plan

Hi,

G-son and I have been going through a little stress. I’m handling as best as I can to keep a strong front for my little man. So far he’s doing well.

The weekend didn’t start or end with dad. Dad was supposed to be here at 5 p.m. to pick him up. Little man’s friend T was here, he forgot his key in school and couldn’t get in his house.

I told dad he should come to the house and meet his son’s friend. His response was, ‘I’m not his friend’s father, I don’t care about no little kid.’ Around 5:20 p.m. I called to see if he was still coming. He said, ‘I thought he was with his friend so I was letting him have his fun.’

I told him his friend has nothing to do with little man going with him. So he says he was on his way. My girlfriend put on some beans and Franks. They were just getting ready to eat when dad shows up.  I tell him to come to the house the boys are just sitting down to eat. He said, “I don’t have time to socialize with you.” I said some very un-nice choice words. Why would I want to socialize with a man I look at as a child.

Last night, Wednesday while we were discussing our current family events, dad says he didn’t say the above statement like that. Ha! I heard what I heard.

Any way little man and T ran down and told dad little man wasn’t going to go with him. He ended up spending the night at T’s that gave me the break I needed. They came back the next day about 1 p.m. then went back to T’s around 8 p.m. to spend the night Saturday too. T’s mom works at night and has a lot of overtime for Christmas. She asked if T could spend the night Sunday and leave for school from here.

I didn’t give them lunch Monday because little man says someone has been taking his lunches.  I wrote a note Tuesday for him and he got it when he came home.

anger

This note is perfect for me, him and his mom since things are pretty difficult right now. Anger is filling all of us. I have to release and relax.

Wednesday and today I gave g-son notes  they are encouraging, full of my undying love for him. They are personal and I won’t share. I will share the photo I  drew on his card this morning. I hope it makes him smile. I’m asking for everyone that reads this to pray for g-son and my family. Thanks.

CAM00050(1)

Reason to cheer.

 

Reason to cheer.

These are the stick people I drew on the back of the card I game g-son this morning.

These are the stick people I drew on the back of the card I game g-son this morning.

 

Yesterday did not pass without its challenges. First g-son arrived home at almost 4 p.m. He had extended day. Extended day is where receives help where he is deficient. That would be in math. They lets out at 3:05.

I asked g-son to pull the garbage can into the yard and he complained that he had to do everything. So I put on my coat and in my flip flops with no socks went out in the cold to pull the garbage in the yard. He better not ask me for anything.

When I got back in I asked, “Why are you late?”

He says, “We were playing football.”

“Didn’t I tell you to come straight home?. I was so proud of you yesterday.”

“Oh, you wanted me to act like that all the time?” Then he says, “I’ll tell you the truth. I didn’t go to extended day.”

“Why and what were you doing from 2:20 to 4 o’clock?” I demanded.

“Some boy took my coat and threw it on top of the fence.”

“How did you get your coat back?”

“T climbed up to get it for me.”

The story sounded so fishy, so he offers a better one.

“Okay, really Gramma I was throwing my coat up and I throw it too high and it got on the fence.”

“Why didn’t you have your coat on? It’s 40’ something degrees out there?”, fence

“I don’t know?

He changes his uniform and comes down whining, “I’m hungry.”

“Why? I gave you lunch.”

“Because Mrs. B,” she’s the same teacher who he accused of hitting him and eating his lunch before. “Made us go back to class as soon as we got to the lunch room. It’s the truth I can prove it.”

He goes in his book back and brings out a soggy sandwich. “So can I have something to eat?”

“Yea eat your sandwich.”

“It’s wet.”

“We can’t afford to waste food”

“But Gramma look at it.”

It was really gross looking so I said, “okay eat the fruit cup.” I also let him drink a Dananimal.

There goes my he better not ask for anything plan.

After he finishes his snack he say, “ Okay this is the really, real truth. Some kid in the fifth grade wanted to fight me.”

“What’s the kids name? I don’t know he’s in the fifth grade.”

“Okay so I have to come back to the school.”

“No I can handle it. What about Mrs. B.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be alright.”

Never a dull moment with this kid. He did his homework and was finished early. But his fresh mouth he talked back to me and he wasn’t allowed any TV time. He took his shower and I had to send him back in to use soap and wash the upper part of his body. His fresh mouth this time earned him losing his ‘Bey Blades’. He threatened to stay up all night if I didn’t give them back. I told him it was okay but when I tell him to go to bed he better get in it and not get out. He started fussing, complaining and whining none of which paid attention to. Finally I said all you have to do is say you’re sorry. So under his breath he grumbles, “sorry.”

“When you say it like you mean it.”

He get up sits next to me and says, “I’m sorry Gramma.”

“Okay,” I say.

“So can I have them back?”

“It depends on how you behave tonight and how quickly you get ready in the morning.”

“Okay can I watch TV.”

This morning he got dressed quickly, brushed his teeth and washed his face. I gave back his Bey Blades and told him I will take them away and he wouldn’t get them back for a long time if he gets fresh again. He left quickly for school, however he was hesitant he didn’t go to meet T.

I think I might go and meet him after school today.

PROCRASTINATION

FRIENDS/Super Gramma

Super Gramma!!

Yes I’m patting myself on the back! G-son came home in a foul mood. He didn’t want to do his homework and complained that a teacher hit him.

I put my foot down and no homework no nothing. No TV, computer, toys nothing. Oh, he could read or study his multiplication table. I called his dad and they made arrangements for the weekend. I’m praying and I’m asking for your prayers as well, that his father doesn’t disappoint him.

Last night the 82 year old woman known as granny. Who sleeps down the hall from my little man, went on an AARP trip. She slept away from home. Little man is scared to sleep upstairs by himself. So we had a sleep over. I was in the bed next to him.

This is not important to this story but I just had to share this. I soaked in the tub. It has been almost five years. The hot water was heavenly on my feet, knees and back. Okay back to the story.

I lay in bed reading blog emails until I drifted off. G-son fell asleep while I was soaking. I woke up late this morning. I went downstairs brushed my teeth then made a PB N J sandwich for little man’s lunch. I made a turkey bacon, egg and cheese for his breakfast to go. He likes to eat it in school. While doing this I wrote FRIENDS.
G-son was out the door on time. Thank you very much. I got dressed and walked the seven blocks to the school to address the teacher hitting issue and a few other things that will go unmentioned. I forgot to give little man his juice for his lunch so he had to come to the office and saw that I came to address the issues he had.

So now I’m blogging about it now. Did I mention it’s cold and wet out? The precipitation was switching from rain and hail while I was walking.

Thanksgiving Weekend 2012